Laugh

Is this what madness feels like? Hahaha! I love it! There's an energy in my stomach and it rises slowly up my throat until it comes out of my mouth in the shape of a strained cackle. I throw my head back and try to eat the sky. My fingers. My fingers are the most changed of all. They cannot stay straight. They keep changing shape. Tense and strained like so many caterpillars weaving their cocoons. They claw at something. I fall onto the floor in euphoric agony. Hahaha! God you are a cruel master! But he makes slaves of us all. We must thank him for that. Freedom is a curse you bohemian liberals. Loveless slavery! War or death! SOMETHING MUST HAPPEN! Stand alone. Stand alone and be silently judged! AGHHHH! I can feel the pump of adrenaline through my veins as every muscle tries to escape my body. Writhing with a joyous fervor I've never felt! The music swells! The colors move! Destroy something! Create something! What will it amount to? The world is a joke you idiot. Yes you. IT'S FUNNY! IT'S HILARIOUS! Finally I've let it go. I've slipped. Finally I've admitted to being stupid. I can't understand and no poet or scientist ever will. My bones turn to iron. My muscles turn to slugs. Sinking now. Sinking into the floor of sand. Warmth. A warmth fills my body. I am calm. My body has stopped. My heart beats. Slower and slower. This is incredible. It's like every part of you, inside and out is being tickled. Ants crawl and spiders eat the ants and birds eat the spiders and the birds lay eggs and the eggs hatch and the chicks fall out of the nest and a snake eats the helpless chicks and the snake bites a man who just stepped on an anthill. It's a joke. Ouroborus. It's just a joke. I'm slipping off the ground. Slowly collapsing. Like a snow melting into the ground over the course of a day. Down. Down. Into the ground. My fingers. I haven't blinked. I must write now. I must write this down. I must learn. I can't say this wasn't self-induced. Namdam a fo edisni deppart m'i, pleh.