Storytime!

Oh boy oh boy oh boy do I have a tale for you! Finally I've got something worth sharing rather than just complaining about life and women. Hooray! The tale begins with my taking leave of my house. Parents sister brother dog goodbye. It's 6:12. Take the the train. Oh the train. NJ Transit could be a string of tin cans on wheels and I would still love it. The people the sights the sounds. I may prefer public transportation to any other method of travel. I am hungry though. I get to New Brunswick making calls all the way. Contemplate getting food at DD. Nah. Make my way to the cafe. Witness a car crash. Taxi driver gets out and unwittingly starts yelling at the unconscious man in the drivers seat of the other car. His head surrounded by a white halo of the airbag. Other people help. I stop to see but remember that it's best not to get involved. Not with my name. I can hear the Indian screaming still as I walk silently away. I'm indecisive. I buy a sandwich. Keep in I'm my inside coat pocket. I can feel the warmth of it in my heart. Its cold. I have a scarf but no gloves. But no gloves. After a short detour I get to where I'm going. Walk inside. Well this is familiar. I can hear the rhythm from outside. I go downstairs. When there are people not moving on the stairs its a bad sign. I survey. I survey. Its a typical crowd. Typical. These people are so alike and yet each thinks they are special. People I do not know personally become clones. I assume to much and know too little. When everyone is special nobody is. Your just in a room filled with like-minded people. Clones. Different. HA! I love them all for it. We're thrown around in a sea of clones. Good-willed clones. I fall. The clones help me up. They all move rhythmically bobbing their heads. I enjoy the music. Its best to close your eyes and pretend the room is empty. The band plays for you. WHAT DOES IT MEAN. Hear without ears. I need to go soon. But no. We move on. Next dungeon awaits. This one is different. Its filled with ghosts. I don't know what to think here. So I yell at my phone and leave. It's 11:30 Back at the station. Waiting a long time. Waiting. For a train. It's 12:34. A gay couple both sporting extravagant facial hair discuss the proper way to decorate their friends living room. Foam board covered with fabric. I'm trying to listen but your moustache is distracting me. The train comes. I get on. It's a long trip. I do some of my best thinking on trains. I don't know why. 1:30. I arrive. New York City. Here I am. Need to get to 92nd before 3. I must try. I must try. I take an E. This must be wrong. I get out. I walk to Columbus Square. Central park. Its only 52nd. It's 2:07. Must find another subway. I'm walking through the streets. People look. Guy thinks I'm following him. He starts walking faster. I see him later enter an Adult Entertainment Shop. I keep seeing them. It's nighttime in the city. Filled with lusty old men. A wall of naked women. I pity them. I feel nothing but sadness. It's too cold to be sad. I MUST RUN. RUN. Its so cold.... I'm lost and cold and surrounded by disgusting haunting images. I don't like it here. GET ME OUT! I find a subway. Any train will do. GET ME OUT! Okay I'm on 86th now. Its west. Oh no. Oh no. I'm on the wrong side of Manhattan. It's 2:35. I CAN'T GIVE UP! RUN RUN RUN! I start to cross Central Park. WHO THE FUCK PUTS A FUCKING LAKE HERE! I never even realized how likely it would have been for me to be mugged or worse. I just ran. Ran. I find the other side of 92nd. East. Finally. Madison. No. Park. No. Lexington oh sweet Lord yes. You have delivered me. It's 2:56. My long lost friend awaits to sign me into this boarding house of sorts. I just need rest. Rest. I meet his roommate. He cannot read. Cheesy Bread and Running Naked Through Princeton. My kinda guy. I sleep on the floor. The cold hard floor. It's still cold. NYC is trying to kill me. He snores. OH FUCK HE SNORES. My only weakness... I cannot sleep I cannot sleep I cannot sleep. ... I cannot. ... .. . sleep I... ... .. ..... . . . . . . . I wake up. Get dressed. Cheap breakfast. I Pay. Cupcake. Delicious. Time to take out pants of on a subway. Meet on Avenue of the Strongest. Receive instructions. We are Team 0 on the 1 Train to Times Square. I take off my pants. This time I embrace the cold. Kill me now New York. Just try. People stare. Me and friends from the school embark. It's liberating. It's hilarious. If only every day could be this way. Afterwards we meet in Union Square. Go to a liquor store. Without pants. Without pants. Walking around NYC. We find a Korean Karaoke Club. We get a room all to ourselves. Allow me to describe the scene. This is officially the most borderline homosexual experience I've ever had. 5 single men in one private karaoke room with two bottles of wine a one of vodka. Nobody is wearing pants and we're singing Beyonce. We've finally had enough. Walking around still with no pants. We buy berets. Now we are Scottish. For a few hours. This is excellent. He pees in the subway. White Pizza and Methamphetamines. Please do tell me about your insane ex-girlfriend. We all have them right? RIGHT? Hmm... I get a Sorbet. And new money. I've spent too much again. Haha but I love it. Puerto Rican tries to get number from one of us. He's never looked so scared before in his life. Drunks everywhere. Others join in and remove pants. Why isn't everyone always this open and kind? Why do we need alcohol to expose this lovely side of life? I don't. People ask me alot if I'm drunk. I'm usually not. I just live more than you do. We take the train back. Still no pants. Six grown men sitting on the train all squished in between seats. Talk about male-bonding. I never get sick of people. I'm endlessly fascinated with them even if they get me upset. It's when people deny me access that I get angry. I get home. I sleep. These are the days...