What You Want To Hear

It's hard to carry on. But the struggle the struggle. Makes is worthwhile. The climb not the summit. The rehearsals not the performance. The ideas not the products. Life not death. All I've told myself all my life. I rehearse. Rehearse. Memorize my lines. Build my character. People know. Think they know. But they don't. I don't. I should care but everyone says I shouldn't. "It's just life" they say. Just life? JUST LIFE? Life holds precedent above all! Why shouldn't I be concerned about life? I can't just live! I want to thrive! I could let each day slip away but then every day would just be today. I want to look back and forward. Carpe Diem. Idiots. Carpe Diem. Fools believe in Carpe Diem. Bohemians. What is a day? It's defined by sleep. I consider times between sleep as days. Only when I'm asleep is it night. I've gone a week without sleep. Just a day. One day. I consider it one day because it is a single string of memory in my mind. But I didn't want to live for just that day. I wanted to live for every day. I wanted to learn from mistakes. I want to progress! I want to grow! I want to see how I'm doing. Most people are unintelligent because they live for the moment. Imagine if you always lived for the moment. You would be happy as can be but it amounts to having short-term memory loss. Straws... I like to take straws from cafes. I chew on them incessantly. I don't know why. What ever happened to Frankie Muniz? Architecture I my favorite art form. It is the most powerful. Hands down. Cranberry Apple is my new favorite juice. Today I already ate some French Vanilla Yogurt. An Activia Yogurt with Sugar in it. A bowl of Cinnammon Toast Crunch. Two slices of White Toast, one with Butter and Muenster Cheese and the other with Maple Honey Ham and Mustard. Activia is for Women. Maybe I'll become "regular." Whatever the FUCK that means. Women... I would hate to be a woman... too much responsibility. They have so much power over men. So much power. So it's my duty to deceive them when I can. It's kind of a sport I guess. Retribution of a sorts. I was always picked on by girls in grade school. It's not fair. But pretty women... all the SAME. I try to see without eyes. So I apologize. Haha but it is a board-chairman's apology, given liberally and cheaply to employees after a death in the family. The world is a business. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. But even more than you think. IBM and ITT, Dupont and Dow sure. But I mean interpersonal relationships have there own little system of transactions and investments. The world is a business. Think on that. I'm off to visit the cold caves of echoes, then to a city of lights where I will be stripped of pretense. All the while missing. Missing. Hah. Je ne manquerais pas.